Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
