I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
