I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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