Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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