Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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