I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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