Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
