tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
