My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
