i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
