My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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