Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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