dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
