There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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