Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
