yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
