I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
