She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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