he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
