So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
