Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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