forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
