dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
