Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
