I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
