I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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