so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
