i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
