Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
smell my finger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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