i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
