Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
