She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
soo... how was my night?
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