my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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