Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
