I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
