Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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