If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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