Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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