69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
