i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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