Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
