If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
