I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
