I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
