paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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