me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
