Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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