And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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