And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
