the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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