I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
