kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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